Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The Today Show on NBC: Pretending Guns Dont Exist

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I just saw this video.  In order to appreciate what im about to say, you really should watch it.  You really need to watch it.It runs just under 5 minutes and could possibly be the most monumental thing you see today.

Did you watch it?  Okay, moving on.  I get that this is NBC, and its NBC's morning program, Today. The Today show is to actual news what Ebola is to birth control.  Sure it works but you are much worse off for having tried it.  Oh, and let of not forget that this was filmed in New York with the expert commentary and advice of a former NYPD detective that goes by the name of  Wallace Zeins. 

Wallace Zeins spent blah years with the NYPD and was a blah blah blah while blah.  You know why Wallace Zeins's background doesnt matter?  Because William Zeins is an idiot. 

Oh I dont mean that in an insulting way, I mean it as in the literal definition of an idiot as in a foolish or stupid person.  I wont call him retarded because that's a pejorative term for mentally handicapped and I wouldnt want to insult them twice by; 1) using that word and 2) counting Wallace Zeins among them because they are much better than that.     

In this visual abortion of reason, NBC "reporter" Jeff Rossen interviews Zeins about home invasions and solicits tips from him on what people can do to protect themselves.  This was obviously filmed in a home they broke into; I suspect this was probably easy because the home owners had previously taken Wallace Zeins advice.  Zeins offers advice like using your car's panic button as an alarm in a home invasion.  Some where right now, a car alarm is going off and its being ignored because since the invention of the panic button on key fobs it has been ignored.  Here is the Google results for "People who ignore car alarms." Nothing like Google showing you how people really feel about such stupid advice.   Oh, but could setting your car alarm off via panic button work in a home invasion?  Well the alarm would work im sure, as in operate as designed.  As to whether or not it would bring you help or not, I think your more polite neighbors would suffer through it for some time in hopes that you would turn it off or the battery would die.  No one's first thought would be to call the police and in my case I probably would have already done that after confronting the home intruder with a firearm because guns exist.

Zeins then offers advice on the purchase of a can of Wasp and Hornet Killer for home defense.

Yeah, bug spray. Look, I know its for Wasps and Hornets and I know that those two genius of insects are the assholes of the bug world but the advice is to spray people with bug spray after setting off your car's panic alarm?  Man, this is going to be one Clue  level crime scene. 

Zeins recommends standing in the corner and spraying them in the eyes, which in his defense would probably suck for their peepers because that stuff is designed to kill bugs; but doesn't make much sense in a world where guns exist.  At this point in the segment I feel like I am watching an episode of Dexter, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and Law and Order on the same screen at the same time while talking with Comcast customer support on the phone.  It makes sense in the way that I can understand what hes saying and his words from coherent sentences but the content of those sentences make me question so much about his state of mind.  You know what works better than bug spray? Bullets.

Zeins then manages to remember enough words to explain an escape strategy thats more fire drill than home invasion planning.  Its good advice in the sense that its all about getting your kids and getting out, but it comes after some really bad advice so its sort of like being handed a cool glass of water after being waterboarded.  I dont want it.

At this point, its not over.  It should be, but Zeins was paid for his time and NBC is going to get their moneys worth.  Speaking of getting their moneys worth, Zeins says that if you are captured after failing to alert the SWAT team around the corner with your panic button and the wasp and hornet killer spray didnt work because its a slow moving stream of liquid that depends on contact with the eyes to be effective and you couldn't gather your family and escape because you are in an enclosed space and not an open corn field, at that point you should treat the invaders "like royalty" and you "dont want to lie to them."  I get it.  You are supposed to depend on the kindness and charity of a felon after your other shit plans fail; thats the advice im getting here. Thankfully as you well know, that was the end of it.  

I know this was filmed in New York even without them explicitly telling me so because it does what all progressive state media does and assumes things on behalf of the viewers.  NBC, Zeins and Jeff Rossen all know guns exist but they have to ignore that fact for other reasons.  Guns arent something polite society discusses on television.  We dont mention them, we certainly dont advocate using them.  Its a silent agreement between the media and the anti-gun movement to erase the very idea of firearms from any self defense advice.I dont know who watches The Today Show but Im sure most of them live in places still free where gun ownership is both possible and common, yet this segment doesnt even address it.  The home invasion examples given are that of celebrities and a politician, who can afford more security than the average viewer, which is at odds with the videos shown of home invasions of regular, everyday people. The one home invasion victim interview was with an unarmed and unprepared woman in Arizona, where there are more than a few examples of well prepared home owners in Arizona(and other states) refusing to be victims.   Watching this video is 
the mental equivalent of drawing pictures with cat shit crayons and then wondering why everyone in
the daycare center is so upset that you barged in for arts and crafts time smelling like gin.
Bug Spray?

I know that im preaching to the wise, as the chances of a Zeins-like thinker reading this are slim but
the fact is that Zeins cannot actually be that stupid.  He knows guns exist, he was probably (maybe
reluctantly) given one by the NYPD, he may have treated it like one treats a dirty diaper but he still had it, was aware of its existence and maybe even shot it occasionally.  New York has strict gun laws, but they still have a weakened Castle Doctrine that allows you to smoke check a home intruder without first having to try to escape.  His "advice" depends on the viewer being easily fooled obviously but the point here isnt to offer advice, its to remove a firearm from the conversation on possibilities.  If they dont talk about them, maybe we will forget they exist.

Well, Wallace Zeins may not be the hero NBC needs, but hes the hero they deserve.


  1. One thing too, using bug spray in a manner other than killing bugs is, in fact illegal. ( even says so on the can)

    Stay classy NBC keep the mass is misinformed.....

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